When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
