how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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