Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
