Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
