don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
