you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
