Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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