YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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