I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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