I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
