Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
