He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
