And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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