You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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