hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
