Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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