I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
