There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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