I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
