i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
