And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
