Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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