What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
