i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
