The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
