why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
