Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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