I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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