He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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