Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
