she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
