He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
