Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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