standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I deserve this hangover.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
