She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cannot find my penis.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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