You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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