I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Fuck appropriateness.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
