just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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