Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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