nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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