we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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