Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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