So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
