you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
