Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
