So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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