Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
