My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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