forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
