my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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