you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
