We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
