I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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