I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
