I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
